by: Robbie Cade Furdge
Marriage is such a ride: One day you want to be BOOED UP, and the next minute you want to SQUARE UP. The next day you want to BREAKUP & by the evening you are trying to MAKEUP. Next thing you know, something pisses you off & you trying not to BLOW UP, yet the thought of the love y'all share, makes you GLOW UP. It's a process in which you have to quickly GROW UP, yet it's amazing how someone can love you even after you have MESSED UP. It's a union that you have to stay PRAYED UP because there is an enemy who wants your marriage to be TORN UP.
Each day be grateful for your spouse that they DIDN'T GIVE UP, but they stuck by you, supported you & decided to build the TEAM UP. Take some time today & let your spouse know that from this day forward, we are going to BUILD UP, push our DREAMS UP & we will continue to HOLD EACH OTHER UP.
I was in an abusive relationship a few years ago....mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically.
The person I was with thought that when you slept or rested you were being lazy, so I spent my days trying to prove that I wasn’t.
That fear of him, his words, and his actions took a toll on me, in ways I didn’t realize until recently in my marriage, specifically today.
I find it hard to sleep or rest unless my husband is doing the same, which most know isn’t often, or when he is on military orders and I know he won’t be home.
Even then when he calls, I find myself doing my best to make sure I sound awake, unless he has told me I need to rest.
This morning, he left to go workout. I didn’t realize I had fallen back to sleep until I heard the door knob turn. I jumped up out of my sleep and out of the bed so quickly, scared that he was going to rip me to shreds (even though he never has before) when he saw I hadn’t done anything since he left, so much so that it gave me an instant headache.
I was stuck sitting on the edge of the bed when he made it to me.
He walked in, sat next to me, wrapped his arms around me, and held me. He had no clue the inner turmoil I was experiencing, but gave me just what I needed....assurance that love doesn’t hurt; it heals!
by: La'Toya R. Sibley
This image has been making a huge impact since it recently surfaced on the internet and its existence is important to the culture of the African American male society. It is the image of a groom and his groomsmen. On their chest are the attributes of how a man should treat his woman. Attributes such as Love Her. Honor Her. Protect Her. Respect Her. Please Her. And last but not least, the groom dons the attribute to Marry Her. In a day and time where black men are categorized as species of humans that refuse to be anything other than unemployed baby daddies with children scattered here and everywhere by multiple women. A species who is uneducated and does nothing but mooch off of others, listen to rap music while indulging in drugs, stealing and killing one another with no rhyme or reason. The stigma is that they don't get married and if they do, all they will do is be unfaithful and mistreat the woman that idiotically considers giving her hand to him in marriage. I must declare that this photo alone breaks every stereotype ever uttered about the black men.
This photo shows strength, love, respect and passion for women. It shows that there are black men out there who do have an understanding of how to treat the woman that they have fallen in love with to include marrying her. I absolutely adore the statement that this photo makes. Kuddos to the creative mindset behind this work and may it make a profound sound that all black men are not ignorant and they do know how to handle the precious cargo that is woman.
by: La'Toya R. Sibley
Having "Those" Conversations
I love sitting with my hubby and having "those" conversations. You know, the ones that because most couples don't have they end up broken up and divorced. It's been an unspoken...... thing in our home that we be open, honest and transparent. We both decided a long time ago that this is it. Divorce is not an option. "Till death do us part" is real for us. So "those" conversations are a must. The "I need more sex because I'm on the verge of cheating" talks and especially the "You hurt me when you did this" conversations. We can't walk around harboring bitterness and resentment. Not if together forever is our destiny and we want to keep it that way. This is where a lot of couples mess up. They are so afraid of hurting one another's feelings that they neglect to have "those" conversations and often times feel misunderstood and mistreated. Well, if you never voiced verbally what you needed or felt anywhere other than in your own head or to your friends, then yes you will most definitely feel this way.
I know some of you are saying "Well I did that. I voiced my feelings and nothing changed". I'll ask you two things.
1. Did you talk to them or at them?
2. Were you completely honest and looking for a resolution versus conflict?
There is a difference. Listen to me when I say this......... NOBODY IS GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU IF YOUR TALKING AT THEM INSTEAD OF TO THEM. Let's have a conversation versus a lecture. Your not talking to a child. Even though you may feel like they act childish in some cases, you're still talking to an adult. If you treat a man or woman like a boy or girl, they will act like a boy or girl versus being the man or woman that they are. And just a side note, don't talk at your children either. This will only set them up to be adults who allows other adults to treat them this way until they get tired of it and start lashing out at everybody. Then you sitting around talking about "I don't know where they get that from. Must be from that other side of the family". No that was all you. Anywho!
People tend to shut down when they feel like they are being lectured to versus having a conversation. I know because I'm one of those people. My husband knows that I will shut down quick when I feel as if I'm being treated like a little girl. Is it right? No. But it's human nature and as much as I try not to do it, it happens. I've seen this happen so much even in counseling people. We have to be respectful of others at all times in order to get some positive results. You want to be respected right? Well, you get what you give out. You reap what you sow. What goes around comes around. All that good stuff. Unless you're a college professor in a lecture hall, save the speeches and melodramatics. It won't solve anything and won't do nothing but make your mouth dry from all that talking.
Secondly, were you completely honest and looking for a resolution versus more conflict? If you don't enter the "conversation" in the right head space, this won't be pretty. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. You can't withhold a piece or a part because you think they can't handle the real and raw you. If they can't, is this really the one for you. God has graced my husband and I to handle the real about one another. We don't judge or cast down one another because we understand that we are both human and we want "this" to work. We seek resolution at every turn. If we feel ourselves getting heated, we take a break from the issue, go to our corners and have a conference with the Holy Spirit. The enemy is constantly trying to throw daggers at our relationships. And his main tool is deception and dishonesty in order to divide and conquer. He'll make things appear one way when they really aren't. We have to device within ourselves that resolution, as opposed to conflict, is at the forefront of our relationship. If you find yourself constantly looking for more conflict, then this may not be the one that God has for you. True love doesn't produce conflict. If you can look at your mate and want to push their buttons more and more, it may be time to throw in the towel.
Now there are some people who feel that conflict adds spice to the relationship and they love the making up part. If that floats your boat, that's your business. But don't bring a unwilling participant into this type of twisted mind space. God is not the author of confusion and this is just that. You have to know you and be completely honest with your s.o. Allow them to decide if they want to get on this rollercoaster as opposed to forcing them on it. You may regret forcing them on it. I'm just saying.
Okay long story short, "those" conversations have to be had. It's an absolute must. Healthy and honest dialogue is necessary for a long lasting and fulfilling relationship. Also let your children see you both being conflict resolution oriented. Kids learn by watching and through experience. Let them see you talk it out like two mature human beings. Conflict is evident, resolution is a choice. If it can't be done then that, my friend, is not the one.
Unapologetic is me, L.