|Alive and Worthy, LLC.||
Hello singles and single supporters. I hope you guys are being an addition to anyone who is in your presence and most of all loving yourself completely and unconditionally. Remember if you don't, no one else will. are you ready?
My last post asked a very important question. ARE YOU READY? I know being single can be tough and sometimes we jump into relationships when it is not the right time. We have to be what we want to see in others and possess the expectations we require from someone else. So this post is a continuation of Are You Ready?
Are you ready to give pieces of your heart? Often times (especially when in the moment), we are sitting across from someone who could possibly be the answer to our prayers. This could be true, but we must take a minute and check our heart condition. The heart is a vulnerable part of us that is vital to our lives. It connects us to others and any relationship we experience.
Why would I ask you to do a heart check before you decide to enter a relationship? Well, no one deserves a faulty, unfiltered, and dirty heart. This will only lead to more heartbreak and unnecessary pain. Raise your hand if you've been hurt!! 🖐(hand raised)🙄 I raise my hand a lot, huh!! lol.
What comes along with an unfiltered, broken heart?
1. hurt: all the previous tough experiences that took route from hurtful relationships.
2. bitterness: the emotion that comes along with the realization that you gave your all and it was taken for granted, abused, and misused.
(Especially when the other person moves on like you never existed.)
3. trust issues- scared to allow another person in your mind, space, and heart because you haven't truly gotten over the previous hurt. (In your mind, everything is a lie.)
4. shutdowns- in any argument or disagreement you shut off your emotions and refuse to communicate effectively.
5. unhealthy vulnerability- accepting whoever, however, and whenever without thinking.
(This will get you a trip to the clinic.) be careful. lol. but for real*
6. hardened heart: no one can love me evvvver again and I'll stab anyone who looks at me with googly eyes. (This will get you admitted to the psych ward or arrested.) BE CAREFUL*
There is definitely more to this list but I'll stop right there.
TRUTH MOMENT: I was hurt by a 4 year relationship or whatever it was. I still had the nerve to stay connected after I knew the relationship was over. So that added 2 more years of NOTHING!! lol. He was my stronghold. My heart was hurt, broken, and I was only there to keep my heart pumping even though it was pumping through false love
(real people who've been hurt and stayed will feel that)
This caused me to shut down and be vulnerable at the same time. Those who read my second blog, remember the man I fell for.... yeah, him. He was a product of my vulnerability and the aftermath was my shutdown (again). I didn't deal with my hurt the proper way the first time.
You see, another person whether male or female can not heal a broken heart that they are not responsible for. When we don't heal from our past hurts, we put others in a position to heal and fill a void that they CANNOT fill. (It's not up to them to heal you)
*This comes from God and your own desire to heal.*
They will never be good enough. Old memories will trigger past hurts. Certain things he or she does will take you back to places of hurt. ONLY IF YOUR HEART ISN'T HEALED!!!
I say to you my sisters and brothers, before you jump into a new relationship, check your heart. Make sure you are ready to give another piece of it to someone else. Ask yourself the hard questions.
1. Am I healed from my past hurt?
2. Can I trust him or her completely?
3. Can I trust them with my heart?
4. Am I truly ready to give parts of me that were once misused and taken for granted?
5. Am I ready to put in the work?
6. Is my heart clean and pumping fully on the love of God, the love I have for myself, the love I desire to give and receive?
7. AM I READY?
Don't let others pay for what happened to you before them. You deserve love and to be loved. Your partner deserves to love you without walls. Though this will take work, if you want a "REAL" love experience, do a heart check before you jump into anything. We have a responsibility to ourselves to heal FIRST!!
Coming from a broken, pieced together, and almost whole heart.
a single saved, and (somewhat) satisfied woman!!
Good evening, singles and single supporters. Raise your hand if you are tired of being single this week? Well my hand is raised🖐 But I'll be better after I finish this post, so let's get to it.
There are many singles who desire to marry, re-marry, & become one with someone who loves them unconditionally. I feel every person whether male or female desires intimacy. I know for sure this is a desire of mines as well. BUT, Before I jump into any courtship, relationship, or marriage, there is a question that I asked myself. Am I truly ready to become "ONE" with another person and what are the standards that I have for my partner? There are many aspects to this question and we are going to discuss one today. What's on your list?
Take a moment and think about this for a second. Are you ready to go through transitions and put in the work that it takes to be on one accord with someone else. Is there someone out there who is able to be what you need them to be. The bigger question is, ARE YOU ABLE TO MEET THE NEEDS OF YOUR PARTNER or stand up to their expectations?
We all have a list of expectations that consist of what we will except or not except from our significant other or potential spouse. Singles must be careful with their list. Sometimes we have to be mindful of what we ask for. If God grants us what we ask for, we must be able to maintain and keep our end of the bargain. I did a check list of my own and what I desire out of my relationship, marriage, husband and just life, period.
Here is what my list kind of looks like.....
1. My husband must love and follow God. (This is the only way a man can lead)
2. He must be financially stable and have his own home and car before dating.
3. He must have goals, dreams, aspirations, and have the desire to build and leave a legacy for our children and grandchildren.
(individual and family goals) Though we are one, I still desire for us to have independence.
4. Be open with communication, willing to meet halfway in disagreements, and never have me guessing how he feels about me, our marriage, and our family. He should be my best friend. He should be my safe place.
5. If he already has children, He must be a full-time father and takes full responsibility for his children. (financially, emotionally, and spiritually) And I said, child or children, NOT THE EX!! We can be a blended family, but with respect and complete understanding of boundaries.
6. Love ME and ONLY me until death do us part.
(if my husband wants out of our marriage, he better ask God to take him home early because other than death, I'm in union FO-EVA!!🤣) I believe in life time commitments. If we do it right, there's no need for a divorce.
This is what my list looks like. Of course there is more, but these are few requirements. Now as I looked over my list. I had to do a SELF EVALUATION.
1. Do I love and follow God?
2. Am I financially stable, own my own car, and house?
3. Do I have goals and dreams and am I working towards achieving them?
4. Am I open with communication or do I shut down, ignore any other perspective and refuse to compromise?🙄 (working on this)
Most importantly, Can my husband trust me with His insecurities, faults, and vulnerable moments? Can I be his safe place?
5. Do I take care of my child or children and make sure their needs are met? Am I full time parent?
6. Am I looking at this relationship or union as a "starter" relationship and marriage or am I going into this with forever in my mind and heart?
The list could go on and on! There are some things that I am still working on.
So many times men and women have a list of requirements, but don not have any of these things, qualities, or even willing to put in the work to obtain these things. THIS IS NOT OKAY. How can you tell your potential husband to have a credit score of 800 when yours is only 680. (SMH)
Requirements VS Possession. Do you have what you are requiring?
Before you give demands or requirements of another person, makes sure are equipped as well. Make a list of what you desire and then complete a self-evaluation check list of yourself and see if it lines up with the list that you created for your mate. If you have obtained everything you desire out of another, then happy kudos to you. If there is more work to do, GET TO IT!! Your forever person deserves the best from you.
Another person shouldn't COMPLETE you, they should COMPLIMENT you and add MORE VALUE to your life and you to theirs. So again, are you ready to become one? Are there some things you need to work on? Be honest about where you are in life before you add someone else to it. ARE YOU READY?
(I put my hand down). lol. I'm still a work in progress.
I would love to hear your thoughts on being ready for a relationship or marriage. Feel free to comment on this post or go to my Facebook Page: Single,Saved, & Satisfied.
Thanks to everyone who took the time to read, share, and comment on my blog. You are greatly appreciated. There's more to come and more to share. Remember this blog is FREE of judgement and IT'S ALL LOVE💞